i'm wide awake, filled with thoughts & it's giving me headaches.

so far, since i've woken up, i've heard nothing but bad news. but nothing beats to what i just read earlier. my own boyfriend, IS FEARFUL of me cus i GIVE HIM PRESSURE about financial issues.

so i'm thinking, i've had this "pressure" ever since I got kicked out. I worked, almost everyday to survive. things were fine cus you were working too. & suddenly you stopped, for 2-3months. i smiled, said it was alright, hid the fact that the financial burden was horrible. i cried almost every night, worried about rental and what not. it grew so bad that i finally broke down in shop, and allen had to step in and help us.

that i guess was your waking point. you got your job, and i started finally normal again. i did calculations & grew happier knowing that by end of the month, we could start saving again. but now.. you haven't worked since wednesday & it's saturday now. you tell me i'm giving you pressure, but now i want you to tell me, how am i spposed to cover your 4days of non-working days? ($320) how?

so who's stressed up? feeling fucked up? & like it's the end of the world for me?

i think it's you who has failed to understand me.

i don't really know how ad hoc works, but you promised you were gonna work everyday. you told me you had friends who could get you to work everyday. don't tell me that was all just a lie to cover up the truth and to let me smile. cus i'll hate you if that is.

i hate this. i really do. when will i be able to just be normal? when?

paste your goodies , stuff or anything here :)