Every single time I say I'm in a good mood, something never fails to happen to upset me. Today wasn't any difference.

A part of me just want to hold on, fight for it, and just hope for the best, that everything would be okay. Yet, another part of me just wants to give up, not caring about how the world sees me as.

Trust? Love? Sincerity? Loyalty?

Frankly speaking, I'm past caring if anyone trusts me or not. I don't care if anyone doubts me, I don't care if anyone thinks wrongly of me. I don't even care if anyone has misjudged me. Yes, even including my family and boyfriend. What's the fucking point?

Sometimes I think, I'm better off on my own, without having to care how my actions will affect another. It's just too tiring cause even the smallest little thing I do, like taking a self shot of myself during work at my work place is wrong because there is a possibility to others that I may not be where I said I took it. Like as if it was to prove him/her that I was at work when it was nothing but just a self shot of myself, camwhoring like I normally would when I'm bored.

I'm tired of defending myself. If you say I slept around, then so be it. If you say I skipped work when I said I was busy, so be it. If you say that I have other guys on the side, so be it. If you say I'm dishonest, unloyal, scheming and evil, then so be it. I do not care any longer because I know myself, and

What's the damn point of saying anymore?

When I have money, people'll say I forget them. When I don't have money, people'd breathe down my neck hard about how hard up life would be like in Singapore without money. I hate this. How much money do you people want from me? 1k? 10k? 100k to appease you guys?

I am typing this with tears rolling down my cheeks, holding back as much as I can because I just got off another fucked up fight with Farley about trust issues. I told myself a couple of weeks ago that I'm never going to cry in front of him again like I did before because I know what I did, and I know why and what happened.

Self comforting starts. Let's all hear people accusing me off looking for boys online when I'm actually doing work. What's new.

paste your goodies , stuff or anything here :)