You know.. It has already come to a point that I have to let go in order for him to lead a happier life.

I've found out a couple of things lately which used to disturb me but I've come to accept it lately...

1) It was NEVER his intention to marry me. It was just because stupid HDB rules insisted that only married couples living near parents will receive a 40k grant. It was just because my dad prompted him, so he 'bo pian' must marry. It was NEVER 'Oh, i think she's the one I want to spend my life with.' I guessed, the only one who ever wanted the marriage to happen was... Me.

2) His friends are on top of his priority list - I am nowhere near them. The more time he spends with me, the more repulsive he finds me, the more annoying I become to him, the more he feels suffocated. According to him, I stole his freedom. I stole his space, his time with his boys, his time to drink and club. He's never ready to settle down - definitely.

3) Losing me is only an option to him. Despite me wanting to have a life without any financial burden (which easily means working hard in BHT no matter what) he thinks it's a waste of time to even try to better our lives. I was cramping 'his style, his way of life'.

4) It's obvious that I'm just holding on, as long as I can to this almost dying relationship. If I could picture this situation, it's as if he's clawing his hand to break free from his handcuffs to me.

I should start drawing again.

paste your goodies , stuff or anything here :)