I had tons of fun yesterday with Imran yesterday :)

Marketing paper in an hour's time, and I know zilch about marketing. Ok, maybe not true, cos I do have a geist of it.. but that's not enough is it? @@ & I wanted to like wake up at midnight to study through the night.. & I even asked my stepmom to like wake me up but nyuuuuuuu, she didn't, and I woke up at freaking 4 -_-

So right now, when I should be studying, I feel abit uneasy about some stuff & I don't know how to say it w/out sounding so hurtful so I will just keep my trap shut and not utter a single word on it no matter how fuck up it's making me feel.

I don't like it when my gut feeling gets so strong bcos everytime it does, like the other time I suspected Imran hasn't told that Ira slut girl about my bloody existence & even insisted to me that it's her that's been bugging him not the other way round and I kinda dig around his hp and found out that it's him that's been calling her. So when he 'fes up, he even told me.. ah, those of you who wanted to know, ask me about it on MSN. But why do I call her slut? _l_ she even dared to tell me, ME, that what right have I got to stop HER from calling HIM tmd. She even said she'll wait for him _l_ Ms barbie fugly doll didn't even lasted for a month before stalking another guy zz.

What I mean right now is, whenever my guts say there's something weird/funny/bad thing is going on, there really is something going on. So what if there's really something going on, and I'm being kept in the dark about it, and when I find out about it, it gets too late.. and knowing myself, I'll end up acting all well & all bcos I'll feel stupid & used like, I know it's gonna happen so why didn't I stop it until its all too late.

Sighs.
Either 1) I'm overacting or 2) Marketing is really silently driving me nuts but everytime I think I'm overreacting, the actual truth is is that it's really happening.

I need someone to pat me on the head, tell me everything's ok, give me chocolates & just let me let it all out w/out judging me. I hate putting up a strong front when all I do is feel like crying and I think, I cannot pretend to be happy anymore bcos Imran had to try so hard and he said it's cos I looked really moody and all so he really tried to make me happy & stuff and even bought me stuff which I thought was really sweet bcos it was kinda unexpected.

I hate.
I hate the way I'm feeling right now. & I can't meet Imran during the weekends even though I can.. but for some reason, he rather me stay at home and be a good little girl even though his work starts at 4..

SEE WHAT I MEAN? People act so weird around me. How can I know feel uneasy. It's like telling me you're going to the movies when what you're wearing inside is a bikini set and your shades are on your head.

I honestly believe, right now, I'm being lied at, big time.

But you know what's the worst part of it all? That when people know I actually do know what they're hiding from me, THEY FUCKING CONTINUE what they're doing even though they know it hurts me. When do they actually stop and apologise to me? When I fucking confront them, make a big fucking scene and threathen to cut all r/s between me and them.

What's with people and lying? Do they honestly think, it's best to lie and make someone temporarily happy before she finds out the truth and risk losing the trust she gave you than to tell the truth and hurt her for a moment and still keep trust she instilled in you?

WHY.
Why must everyone make life so complicated by lying? Heck yeah, I do tell white lies here and there but, I always ended up feeling so fucking guilty before spilling out the truth to whomever I lied to.

I'm emoing.
Bye.

paste your goodies , stuff or anything here :)