Back in those days, I was selfish, hard-headed, arrogant and I thought I knew the world. Back in those days, I met a fucker. Got together with him and thought he was the solution to all my problems. Back in those days, even when he cheated on me, beat me and lied to me all those times, I refused to believe that he was a bad person and that one day he would realize my love for him and finally change for a better man. But back in those days, I was also dumb and naive, stupid and pathetic, weak and easily influenced by love.

I did many, many acts, including stealing just to survive. Just because he REFUSED to work and provide for us financially. That I WAS the ONLY one working for us, to put a roof over our heads, to put food on the table to make sure our lives were going in the right direction.

For MONTHS he didn't work, forcing our bank account to deplete, I cried days bcos we had no money. CENTS even. Then he said, "Just do it. He wouldn't know. It's a SHARED account anw." Desperate, I did it.

I was wrong. Wrong to steal, wrong to even COVER for him when my dad confronted for me. I was dumb. I thought he was the world. Now? Look what happened. He locked me up for a couple of hours, beat me up til I bruised and busted my lips, and even RAPED me. Was he in any way grateful for anything I did? Did he in any way even TRIED to support me emotionally or mentally? Tuhan showed me. Proved to me how fucked up I was there and then, that I should have listened to my dad all along. But by then, it was too late.

My RS with my dad although improved. Through the months, I tried being a daughter. I tried putting time aside from work, from boyfriend, from all my crap to at least celebrate his birthday which I've been neglecting for years. I introduced Farley (he gave me the thumps up), updated him whenever I could about my life and we WERE getting better. Now this had to resurface.

He's going to hate me. And I have absolutely no courage to face him. I had totally forgotten about this. I wanted to tell him earlier, but I guess I didnt want to ruin our RS any further. This is heartbreaking that I lied to him AGAIN. a big one. not just lied but STOLE too.

Failure. What a fucking failure I am.

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