I fell asleep on the floor again last night, woke up at 4am and contemplated on waiting for Abg Dalley & TJ outside to come home. I wanted to ask them for their opinion, what wrong did I do until the entire family is agaisnt me. But then I backed out.. bcos I didn't want them to fallout with Farley either.

If they just pissed about me raising my voice at Farley at the table (thus disrespect), didn't I apologised to Farley long ago? Why drag it? It's not like it was a reoccuring thing going on. Didn't Farley and I both talked it out? I apologized to his family if I've hurt them in any way, but they chose not to accept it and instead pushed Farley to break it off with me.

Why??
It's like they're just waiting for me to make one tiny mistake, and that's it. Holding myself back, resisting urge to call my dad, forcing myself not to pack up and go.

Feeling so fucked up. So torned apart bcos the people I grew to love, think I'm a disrespectful bitch. I can be a a little rude at times, but I have been learning how to hold back.

Not gonna do anything about it anymore. Tempted to mend things, but everything backfired, Farley ended up falling out with his own brother, ended up shutting me out further. Everything's falling apart and I'm the cause of it. Maybe Abg Dalley is right, maybe his family will never be able to accept me. To think I was the one worried that my family wouldn't be able to accept him bcos of our age gap. Guess I thought wrong...

I can't help but have flashbacks of Abg Fadzil's texts.. I thought he said he accepted my apology? I thought he said he was going to get back at me..? Didn't I said sorry to him, personally? I've been waiting for his reply... but I haven't gotten any.. Haiz.

I wish there's instructions on how to handle this.

Brighter note.. At least I know Farley loves me enough to stick by me despite his family's protests. But it's hard for me bcos he's sandwiched and it's breaking him apart.

I want things to go back like normal in the house. I want us to all be outside, laughing and joking, lepak in front of the TV, playing XBOX like little kids. Just chilling and talking. Weren't we happier then? Now.. I'm too afraid to even go outside and face them. What if Abg Dalley and TJ ended up falling out with Farley? That's the last thing I want to happen.. Everything I do is wrong. & when I tried putting effort, I ended up worsening the matter.

I didn't know it then, but I didn't know I've grew to love them so much.

paste your goodies , stuff or anything here :)