i feel fucked up.

everyday at work, i've been tolerating about which girl is 'badan baik' or 'lawa' or 'power'. everyday at work now i've been watching you talk with the new guy - which is nothing wrong, i have to emphasize that, but the duration that you do your guy talk with him is unacceptable in any working environment. it stretches sometimes over an hour, talking about nothing but your past and your girls and it's as if i'm not even around..

everyday at work, you'll pick up the phone and call azmi or dalley to chat with them. once or twice is fine, and a short phonecall to ask how are you is also fine but you talk and talk.. you forget work.

now i realize, that you'll lie to me - to skip work to meet your brother (again, meeting your brother isn't wrong just that the time and duration that you are is). work is work. i don't meet my friends during work. i don't chat with my friends during work. i do my work on time irregardless if i'm tired or not.

the thing that i've been so worked up about is that i feel that you are taking advantage of me.

i've been hearing so much shit about how you and your friends have been cheated by girls and how it's pointless to put in effort in a relationship becos you'll get dumped anyway. it's rubbing onto me. i've been hearing about how ina made you paid for her windows while being with another guy and how azmi got cheated on valentine's. i've been hearing so much, i've come to realise why you treat me the way you do.

in your eyes, I AM ONE OF THOSE GIRLS.

in your eyes, before she cheats me, i might as well not put in any effort in the relationship and let it flunk. kalau ada jodoh, cinta tak ke mana. is that it?! i am not taking about how you'll spend $$$ on me and my family. i am talking about how emotionally unattached you are from me. like you don't see a point in informing me your whereabouts, like you don't see a point that i might even worry about you, like you don't see a point in working hard for our future, like you don't see a point that this company is our rice bowl.

is that it? am i all that in your eyes?

like you don't care what happens to us bcos in your eyes, I'VE PUT YOU IN A CAGE. in your eyes, i've taking away everything from you and have been controlling you. in your eyes, LOSING ME IS NOTHING.

have you ever for a moment consider that you are wrong?

that i only wanted us to work hard so we'll live comfortably? i don't care if you are a simple man with simple needs. singapore is expensive and if we don't work hard, we'll die. i have amelia and i cannot afford simple. is that so hard to understand? it is so hard to understand that i want us to work hard so we'll be happy and not fight about money like we did last time?

why is it so damn difficult for you to just TALK THINGS OUT with me? instead of sulking, instead of fuming. you tell the whole world that i forced you to resign. but between you and me, we know the truth. we both know what happened. you tell the whole world another side of the story and all i do is keep quiet and when the whole world blames me, all you tell me to do is endure it.

losing my mind over this.













i really don't think i can do this if you think it's just okay to sweep everything under the carpet. something needs to be address but there's no one for me to talk to and it's killing me.



i only wish for you to soften up and talk discussing with me instead of letting me find things out. scrap that idea, it's only my fat wish that wouldn't happen.

paste your goodies , stuff or anything here :)