hounding me for money, like as if i've been doing nothing but spending your money. i'm doing my very best, not to let either money go in or out (so i wouldn't have to bear your eyes staring at me like what have i been doing with the money) but there you are accusing me of spending money as always. you don't get how it feels like, the pressure around you suffocating you, trying to squeeze your every breathe. you don't get how that feels like for me because you enjoy controlling me, watching me suffer. you're inhumane. 

even if i bawled my eyes out, you'd roll your eyes, telling me to shut the fuck up because you need sleep, you have work the next day. you scorned at imran who left me alone when i was crying and yet, ironically you're doing the damn same thing. you said you're tired of it but you really think i can help it? i've been holding it in for so long, it feels good to let it all out.

i figured, since money is everything to you, and i deeply truly believe that you hate me for "finishing" your money on the house, on the wedding, on even the so-called "sacrifice" you made for the bangkok trip. it isn't "investing" anymore, that's torture. paying me to torture me further.

day in, day out i've only wanted us to behave like every other couple. if there's problems, be it financially or emotionally, we'll always be there for each other but you... it's always tired or work.

this morning, you were probably cursing at me "mother fucker, cb" because i "stained" your bedsheets. your mouth didn't spare me and the last straw was when you threw the remote at me. you said, "kau keje pukul 9 boleh lah kau ada fikirkan utk aku tak" like as if it was my fault you chose to buat hal and got fired? u then blamed my parents for having a "useless daughter" and you even said "bangkok is just wasted time, money and effort" i left because i'm still drained out by last night. i left because i didn't wanna add another reason for me to hate myself.

i don't need this anymore.

i just want someone to stand by me no matter how fucked up it gets because i've been holding it for far too long. all this tension inside me, this stress that has been building up,