just when i thought things were finally cooling down about the money issue.. you brought up another - girls. i mean, it's not like this is something new.. it's been the back of my head since forever but i chose to ignore it. the signs were there, the evidences were there. i had concrete proof that he was at it again but i chose to ignore it.

the final straw came when i was in batam and i had this really uneasy feeling that you were at it again. i was desperate to get myself online - and i even when to the extend of recreating a new email and facebook account because my gut told me to. my gut told me that you were already busy online looking for someone to fuck. looking for a cheap girl to keep you company. and i was right.

you were looking for another fuck - while i'm away. you even called dalley to cover you because you realized you got caught again. i was at loss. my eyes were watery but i had to keep my cool because my mum and group were around. it was like something grabbed hold of my heart, lugged it right out and smashed it to bits.

i caught that account before - a couple of months back. i even got angry because you chose to lie to me instead of coming clean and i did the most dumbest thing i could ever thing off - i let it slide. but the constant nudging feeling with me wouldn't go away. it was worst because he was then accusing me of all sorts, of cheating on him, of spending his money, of not having enough money. every time we argued, you'll drag my mother in irregardless of whatever we're arguing about and it sucks because i hate talking about things that wasn't even part of the topic in the first place.

imagine this - feeling so useless because i wasn't (according to you) contributing financially enough, all i did was spend your money, i wasn't making enough money and i didn't even appreciate the fact that you have to get up every morning at 5 to travel to work at Woodlands (come on, this is your job not mine). you even blamed me for having a "simple" job at batam holidays. basically i felt like a huge huge burden.

that's not enough, i have to deal with you telling your friends how badan baik itu pompuan, ada chance bawak balek, or cheekies(????) kapa? fucking turn off not to mention very disheartening to hear.

then i have to deal with you threatening me to call off the wedding, constantly telling me i'm spending too much (yes, $4 meal at Sri Bistari pun mahal ok), constantly reminding me that you forked out the most money, everything lah. you think what? i am fucking superwoman for withstanding all this bullshit on top of pretending that your secret double life didn't exist.

why i do this shit to myself i ask a thousand times everyday.

paste your goodies , stuff or anything here :)