so for the past few weeks, i've been in a really bad kind of place. i slipped into a little depression and i've been either locking myself up in my room or pretending that i'm okay.

truth is: i'm not okay.

but i started feeling a lot better recently though and i was just deleting old pictures and i came across one of my old albums entitled Raya 2012. instantly felt sad.

every since my supposed marriage, i never once got to address my father in law as dad, my sister & brother in law as siblings or even visited his late mum but yet, it's ending and i will never have that chance.


i will never have that chance to congratulate my SIL personally on her pregnancy and i just know she'd be a wonderful mum just like how she is towards the guys. and i never once gotten a chance to give my BIL a pat on his back just to keep his spirits up or something, given his current situation or to even tell my other SIL to hang in there. I mean, i could always message them on facebook... But it's not the same you know?

and to top everything off, i feel so so sad that everytime i meet dalley, its always in a bad time. Before the wedding, i've always seen him like my own brother and when i got married it was like yay! I'm really his sister now. but..... There was never really a happy moment was there? not between us but with all that was going on, we could never be enjoying ourselves like we did before.

i feel........ Much more sadden about all of the above rather than my failed relationship. I honestly felt that if i did a better job at clearing up that minor misunderstanding back in 2012... things would have been better.


For now... It's just me trying to stand up by myself again.

paste your goodies , stuff or anything here :)